An employee tells you they are autistic, have ADHD, dyslexia or another neurodivergence. What you say in the next few minutes shapes whether they trust you, whether they ask for support, and whether anyone else at work ever discloses to you again.
This guide covers what to say, what not to say, and what to do afterwards, including privacy and adjustments. It is written for managers, team leaders and HR. It is general information, not legal advice.
Why disclosure is a big deal for the person telling you.
Disclosure at work is a risk calculation. In a DXC Technology survey of Australians cited in our neurodiversity in the workplace guide, 61% said they would not feel comfortable disclosing neurodivergence to a potential employer, for fear of harming their career.
Research on workplace masking found many neurodivergent employees hide their differences specifically because they expect disclosure to narrow their opportunities. So when someone tells you, they have usually thought about it for a long time. They are trusting you with something that could, in their experience, cost them.
What to say in the moment.
You do not need the perfect words. You need to show three things: that you heard them, that nothing bad happens because they told you, and that you are open to helping.
Good opening responses:
“Thank you for telling me. I appreciate you trusting me with that.”
“Is there anything about how we work that would help?”
“You don’t need to decide anything now. We can come back to this whenever you like.”
“Who else, if anyone, would you like to know?”
Then listen. Let them lead. Some people want practical changes. Some just want you to know. Some are testing whether it is safe to say more.
What not to say.
Well-meant reactions can land badly. Avoid:
| Avoid | Why it lands badly | Try instead |
|---|---|---|
| "You don't seem autistic." | Dismisses their experience and may reflect masking effort | "Thanks for telling me. What would be useful for me to know?" |
| "Everyone's a bit ADHD." | Minimises a real difference | "What does that mean for you at work?" |
| "Have you got a diagnosis?" | Turns trust into a test | "What helps you do your best work?" |
| "Don't worry, I won't treat you differently." | Can sound like support will not change either | "I want to make sure the way we work suits you." |
| "Should we tell the team?" | Puts pressure on a decision that is theirs | "Who would you like to know, if anyone?" |
| "My nephew has that." | Centres your experience | Stay with theirs |
What to do after the conversation.
Agree on privacy
Health information is sensitive. Agree with the employee what will be recorded, where and who can see it. Do not share it with the team, your own manager or HR without their agreement, unless there is a genuine legal or safety reason, and if so, tell them first. Private-sector employee records have specific treatment under the Privacy Act 1988, so check your organisation’s policy, but the trust expectation is the same either way.
Offer, don't impose
Ask what would help and agree on next steps, if any. Common adjustments include written instructions, agendas in advance, quieter workspaces, flexible hours and protected focus time. Treat them as trials and review them after a few weeks. Our guide to reasonable adjustments without a diagnosis sets out a simple process.
Check your own feedback habits
After a disclosure, look back at how you have been giving feedback. Comments about “presence”, “tone” or “not speaking up” may have been judging style rather than work. Our article on vague feedback and our Performance Review Manager Checklist can help you reset.
Follow up
Schedule a short check-in two to four weeks later. Many people only realise what would help once they have seen that asking is safe.
Four disclosure scenarios.
Disclosure rarely happens in a tidy, scheduled meeting. Here is how to adapt.
By email or message
Some people find writing easier than speaking. Reply promptly and warmly, in writing, and offer a choice: “Thanks for sharing this. Would it help to talk about it, or would you prefer to keep things in writing for now?” Do not leave a disclosure email unanswered over a weekend.
In the middle of a difficult moment
Sometimes disclosure comes out during overwhelm, conflict or a missed deadline. Focus first on the immediate situation: a break, a quieter space, a pause in the conversation. Come back to the disclosure when things are calm, and say you will: “I want to make sure we talk about what you told me properly. Can we find a time tomorrow?”
Without a formal diagnosis
An employee may say they think they are autistic or have ADHD, or that they are on a waiting list for assessment. Treat this the same way. The need is real either way, and support should not wait for a report. Our guide to reasonable adjustments without a diagnosis explains why.
To a colleague instead of a manager
If a team member tells you about a colleague’s disclosure, do not act on it or raise it with the person. It was not shared with you. If you want to help, make support easier to access for everyone, and make sure people know your door is open.
The legal context in brief.
Disclosure is the employee’s choice. There is generally no obligation to disclose neurodivergence unless it affects the ability to perform the inherent requirements of the role safely.
Discrimination protections apply. The Disability Discrimination Act 1992 and the general protections in the Fair Work Act protect employees from adverse treatment because of disability, including a disability they disclose to you.
Reasonable adjustments are a duty. Employers must make reasonable adjustments unless they would cause unjustifiable hardship.
Psychosocial risk is in scope. Poor support from managers is a recognised psychosocial hazard. How a disclosure is handled is part of how that hazard is managed. See our guide to psychosocial hazards and neurodiversity.
If you got the first conversation wrong.
Plenty of managers realise afterwards that they said the wrong thing. Perhaps you reacted with surprise, asked about a diagnosis or moved on too quickly. It is recoverable.
Go back to the employee soon, privately, and keep it simple: “I’ve been thinking about our conversation. I don’t think I responded as well as I wanted to. Thank you for telling me, and I’d like to hear what would help.” Avoid long apologies that make them comfort you. Then follow the steps above.
What matters most is what happens next. If adjustments follow, confidentiality holds and their work is judged fairly, an awkward first reaction is soon forgotten.
Don't make disclosure the gateway to support.
The best disclosure policy is one people rarely need to use. If clear briefs, flexible focus time and written follow-ups are normal for everyone, employees can get what they need without revealing a diagnosis. Disclosure then becomes a choice someone makes to build understanding, not a price they pay for basic clarity.
That also protects the many people who will never disclose, or who do not have a diagnosis at all.
A one-page disclosure checklist for managers.
Thank them and keep your reaction calm
Ask what would help, and accept “nothing right now”
Agree who else knows, if anyone
Record only what is needed, stored securely
Agree any adjustments as trials with a review date
Review your recent feedback for style-based language
Book a follow-up in two to four weeks
Kaboose for Organisations
Support for the conversations that matter.
Kaboose gives managers short, practical guidance for disclosure conversations, adjustment requests and feedback, ready when the moment arrives. Employees get their own private support, and nothing they view is shared with their employer.
What should a manager say when an employee discloses neurodivergence?
Thank them, ask what would help and confirm who else, if anyone, they want to know. Then listen. You do not need expertise, just openness.
Can a manager tell HR about an employee's disclosure?
Agree this with the employee first. Share only what is needed, with their consent, unless there is a genuine legal or safety reason, in which case tell them before you share.
Does an employee have to disclose a diagnosis to get adjustments?
No. Adjustments should be based on the need described, not on a label. Evidence may be reasonable for costly or safety-related adjustments.
What if the disclosure comes during a performance discussion?
Pause the performance process long enough to discuss whether adjustments would help, then reset expectations with clear, observable criteria. Document the adjustments agreed.
How do I make my team feel safe to disclose?
Make support available without disclosure, respond well when people do share, and keep confidences. Teams notice how the first disclosure is handled.
Should a disclosure change how someone's performance is managed?
It should change how support is offered, not the standard of the work. Check that expectations are clear and written, that feedback describes observable behaviour and its impact, and that agreed adjustments are in place before judging performance. Document what was agreed so the next manager can continue it.
